KiloMarie-Granda-I-Share-Hope

KiloMarie Granda

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“Holding on to something that you can’t really see, but you feel is there even in the darkest times, so it’s a light that you keep reaching towards, that you keep…Sometimes when we’re flat on our back, when we just don’t think we can go anymore, it’s that light that we can continue striving for. To me hope is just the never-ending possibility that things can get better and will get better. I’m KiloMarie Granda, I’m the founder and executive director of Unspoken Voices and myself along with the rest of my organization wants to say that We Share Hope.” –KiloMarie Granda

KiloMarie Granda from St. Cloud, Minnesota, a child abuse and rape survivor who’s now a Violence Prevention and Response Coordinator and a Wellness Center Coordinator at University of Minnesota. She’s also the founder of Unspoken Voices, where the motto is “One voice changes everything.” KiloMarie has worked with both offenders and victim/survivors and has seen the damage caused in lives of many due to interpersonal violence. As a result of this and her own experience as a survivor of childhood abuse and rape, she realized that far too many individuals’ voices, including her own, often remain unspoken.

KiloMarie believes that if the work that Unspoken Voices does affects even one life in a positive manner, than it gives meaning to her experiences. “For far too long, victim/survivors, bystanders, and our society has remained silent on the issues of personal power-based violence. The silence must be shattered,” she says. “We must be willing to raise our own voices and declare that violence is not okay, not tolerable, and should never be encouraged.” To this end, KiloMarie and Unspoken Voices offer a variety of awareness, educational, and training events, regionally and nationally. She invites folks to “Please feel free to reach out to this organization or another on behalf of yourself, your friend, your neighbor, or the person that you pass on the street. Violence is occurring at epidemic proportions, and only when we use our voices against it, do we have a real opportunity to create a positive and lasting cultural change.”



52 KiloMarie Granda – #Rape vs. #Hope – #isharehope

“Holding on to something that you can’t really see, but you feel is there even in the darkest times, so it’s a light that you keep reaching towards, that you keep…Sometimes when we’re flat on our back, when we just don’t think we can go anymore, it’s that light that we can continue striving for. To me hope is just the never-ending possibility that things can get better and will get better. I’m KiloMarie Granda, I’m the founder and executive director of Unspoken Voices and myself along with the rest of my organization wants to say that We Share Hope.” –KiloMarie Granda

Intro:

Welcome to I Share Hope! The podcast where world leaders share their real stories of hope and how you can use actionable hope to start changing your life today and now here’s your host, Chris Williams.

Chris Williams:

KiloMarie Granda, you are with us from Minnesota, I think is what you said? A Texan-Floridan moved up north and you’re doing a lot of hope-sharing. So, you’re definitely one of the people we should be talking to on the planet about sharing hope. Thanks for being one of our 1000 leaders of hope. But, before we get into all these question and answer stuff, tell me what you’re doing now, what is life like for you on a Tuesday?

KiloMarie Granda:

Well, life is busy. I spent some time with a good friend of mine and my daughter, her kids and we did some shopping, we went to the beach and now at this point I’m doing the interview and in a little while I have about 10 interns coming over to continue helping me with the projects.

Chris Williams:

Interns for what?

KiloMarie Granda:

I have an organization, a non-profit, Unspoken Voices and we currently have close to 30 interns and volunteers. We’re gearing up for a very large event this weekend.

Chris Williams:

Wow. That’s awesome. Like an outdoor festival thing or something where you really get involved with the public?

KiloMarie Granda:

Well actually, it’s pride. We have pride in the twin cities, so the LGBTQ awareness and it’s the third largest in the nation, so we expect anywhere between 10 and 15 thousand to go by the food fest this weekend.

Chris Williams:

Unbelievable. That’s cool. Good for you.

KiloMarie Granda:

Yes it’s exciting. We’re doing a social awareness campaign and so we’re excited about it.

Chris Williams:

That’s really cool. Great. All right, well you’re going to do great with this. So, anybody who’s new to listening here’s how this works. We ask the same five questions about hope to some people who are doing obviously like Kilo’s situation, just some phenomenal sharing of hope and so we get to ask you all the questions and she gets to answer and we get to learn about how she’s sharing hope and how she’s come through some difficult times and what in the world she’s done about it and maybe some steps we can learn to follow as well.

Question 1: Your definition of hope or your favorite quote about hope. How do you want to define that word?

KiloMarie Granda:

I think my personal definition of hope is just holding on to something that you can’t really see, but you feel is there even in the darkest times. It’s a light that you keep reaching towards, that you keep – sometimes when we’re flat on our back, when we just don’t think we can go anymore, it’s that light that we can continue striving for. To me, hope is just the never ending possibility that things can get better and will get better.

Chris Williams:

Wow. That’s a great definition. Question two then plays right off of that.

Question 2: Who has given you the most hope like that in your life? Who’s really been there to share that with you?

KiloMarie Granda:

My partner. My partner.

Chris Williams:

Wow.

KiloMarie Granda:

It’s been a rough couple of years with…I was assaulted a year and a half ago and my partner never once wavered, has given up so much to continue being by my side. That hope, I wouldn’t have been able to make it through without it.

Chris Williams:

That’s sweet. That’s a great statement. So, you’re moving right along and you’re jumping to question three already. Most of the people we talk to and I have no idea where you’re going with your stories, so you just make it yours, but most people we talk to are 20 or 30 years past some hard times. Every now and then we talk to somebody who’s got a pretty recent story, but go where you want.

Question 3: Tell me about a time when hope was hard to grasp or things seemed fairly hopeless or some things that had been really hard to come back from that you really needed hope. You paint the picture for us and explain what happened and take us there.

KiloMarie Granda:

Okay. So, for the past several years I’ve been involved with violence prevention and response. I work for the University of Minnesota coordinating violence prevention and response in our campus. I also serve as an advocate. My Masters is in Criminal Justice, so this is a life I have really lived intellectually. Unfortunately, emotionally I have placed myself in very unhealthy relationships and it’s a behavior that started in my childhood. My mother was abusive and we hopped from state to state and from man to man. As I grew up I learned that that’s what, I thought anyway, was normal. I continued that pattern of behavior after I left my childhood home. I continued to find abusive partners, was sexually assaulted by one of these partners. It was difficult.

Intellectually, I knew how to be healthy, but emotionally I did not. Several years ago, as I really started entering the field of violence prevention and response, I began to learn emotionally what I needed to do to step out of that unhealthy place in my life. As I did so, so much in my life changed so positively. It was a wonderful time and I had my partner by my side and I felt like life really couldn’t be any better than at that point. It was right about that time that I decided to go out for drinks with the friends and I ended up becoming a victim of rape. I was raped several times and it was very difficult because – well, it’s difficult no matter what, but one of the things that I think struck me the hardest was so many people see rape as the stranger rape. They see a person jumping out of the bushes with the mask on. They don’t see the person that they trust, that they work side by side with.

This man, he is a very influential leader in the community. I had worked side by side with him in the violence prevention area for quite some time. We were very close friends. My partner, to explain a little bit further about my own life, my partner is actually a woman. So, I’m gay and I expressed those to our friend, it was actually a mutual friend, and he understood and was completely okay with it except I guess outwardly he was okay with it, inwardly he was not so much. During the rape, which was a hate-based crime, he continually told me that he was going to prove that I was straight, wasn’t he better than any woman or what any woman could give me….

A lot of it was hate-based and I didn’t realize that until quite some time after. I would have to say that that was one of my lowest point and it took me a long time to really start to work through some of those issues. I did report it to the police and that started – for many victim survivors going through the reporting process and the court process after can be an extreme re-victimization and in my case it was. I had to relive it over and over again. I began reliving it in my dreams. I began reliving it in my daily life. I couldn’t leave my home, I couldn’t leave my partner or my daughter’s side. I couldn’t even work especially being in the field that I had been in. I was humiliated, I was terrified. I lived every day on edge thinking that that day could be my last and sometimes wishing that that day was my last.

For me that was the darkest time where I really didn’t see much of a light. It was there. It was just difficult to see.

Chris Williams:

Kilo, when you were growing up, did the guys that were coming in and out of your mom’s life, did they treat you poorly as well? I don’t have to go there. I’m just curious if there’s a back story to even more of this.

KiloMarie Granda:

No, it’s fine. I’m very, very blessed to say I was not assaulted or touched or treated improperly in that fashion by any of them. I was physically abused by them. I’m very happy and very blessed and very thankful that I was not sexually traumatized at that point. I saw a pattern of behavior. My own mother had been raped numerous times by her partners. I was a witness to some of those assaults. I was a witness to many of the physical beatings as well. I remember being there when one of my stepfathers held a gun to my mother’s pregnant stomach and threatened to blow us away. I remember at the age of seven, the cops breaking in and tearing him away and dragging him off.

Chris Williams:

Whoa you got way more exposure for your whole life than anybody should ever have. You seem relatively hopeful right now, but honestly Kilo, if I was a year and a half past trauma – I’m 25+ years past trauma and still have really bad days. I’m not saying you don’t have a bad day anymore, but how in the world are you getting better? What are you doing? I mean you’re an expert in a lot of these things, but you’re still a victim too, you know?

KiloMarie Granda:

I would say that there’s been several different things and individuals in my life that have helped me continue to move forward. God and many people can take that offensively and I do not mean that offensively. I think we all have our own personal walks of faith with whoever or whatever it might be. I think what gives you hope and what can help lead you is what’s right for you. So, for others it might not be God, but in my life it’s God and then my partner and my daughter as well who have always stood by me.

I think personally for me, what has really helped me grow was starting an organization in June of last year, Unspoken Voices. It’s an organization that has a two-fold mission. The first of which is to give a voice to victim survivors who may not be able to use their own. The second part of that two-fold mission is to encourage bystanders and empower them and educate them to be able to speak up about a societal and cultural change that we so desperately need when it comes to violence. To get to the heart of the matter that healing in my own life really did not start happening until I began to share that message of hope with others. Once I started seeing a healing in other individual’s lives, I started healing.

Throughout the past year, we have been completely non-funded other than my partner and I, but we have been able to bring alongside us over 30 individuals who intern and volunteer completely just out of their own hearts. We have a very strong presence on the campus community. We actually have a social justice troop as well. I’ve had the opportunity to speak across the nation and I always say, and this is what keeps me going, it’s if what I went through helps one other person, I do not experience it or begin to recover from what they experienced. If just one person is affected by my own experiences, then it makes every single thing worth it. It gives it a meaning and a reason. I’ve seen it over and over again and I’ve heard it when people have said, “If you hadn’t shared, I wouldn’t be where I am right now.”

So I know, even if I stop doing what I’m doing today, which won’t happen, but even if I were to, there’s already been a reason for what happened to me and I’m okay with that and I’m happy with that. I wouldn’t change it.

Chris Williams:

Beautiful.

KiloMarie Granda:

I wouldn’t change it at all. I would not take that away because it was done for a reason. It happened for a reason.

Chris Williams:

Beautiful. I love that story. Just so much forward momentum and I know it’s got to be hard dragging yourself up some days, but you are moving forward and you have some really strong people – your partner and your daughter and 30 other awesome people who are showing up later. I just think that’s so cool. Wow. And obviously, a ton more that love you in so many ways. I know you’re getting just comments from all over the place of what you’re doing online. It’s just really, really cool. Wow.

Okay, so just on that track. You’re somebody who is an expert at helping people and bringing safer communities together to stop the violence and you were doing that before the violence that happened to you. But, you know, everybody wonders, well how did it happen and how do I tell my daughters or the other women in our community, my wife, my girlfriend, whatever it may be out there, how do I keep them safe? I mean if anybody would know how to stay safe, it would be you and yet it’s impossible to stay perfectly safe in the world. We know it’s a messy place sometimes.

So, how do I tell my daughters and my wife to be careful without being paranoid? You know? You got to get out there and have fun, all my girls, to live and have a good time.

KiloMarie Granda:

Well a couple of things in response to that question. I think we need to make it a message that encompasses all genders. We need to tell it to our sons and our daughters and our brothers and our sisters and our fathers and our mothers.

Chris Williams:

Good point.

KiloMarie Granda:

One in six men will be sexually victimized and one in three to four women will be. Violence really has no – it doesn’t discriminate. It doesn’t have a gender limit or an age. It will attack all. We need to give this message to every gender, to every individual. We also need to give a message of standing up and being aware. Being aware of what’s happening around you, being willing to step up and stop something if you see something. That’s huge. For every 40 individuals, only one will ever commit an act of power-based violence. Only one out of 40. So, there’s 39 other individuals who will never commit an act of violence like that, but yet that one person, that one perpetrator can do it so many times over and over again and can cause so much damage in so many people’s lives. We need to be looking to those other 39 people to get involved and to realize that it is their issue.

Just telling our children to stay safe isn’t enough. We need to tell them to keep each other safe. I think that’s a huge key part of it. Keep each other safe. Be aware of your surroundings. Be aware of who you’re going out with. Make sure that you have a phone by you at all times if you can. Have a plan, you know, I’m going to call you in an hour and if you don’t hear from me then contact me. If I don’t answer, call someone else. Call the police. Just basic things can help, but even more than that I think we really need to hit the heart of the matter. The heart of the matter is the fact that our society views violence as acceptable at this point and is the norm. We need to change that viewpoint.

Chris Williams:

Yes. I am so with you. Great message and last question in this and we’ll move on. What happened to the jack-ass that got in your way?

KiloMarie Granda:

A year ago in June, I was pulled into the office with the lawyer and I was told that my case was being dismissed. I was told at the time that it was being dismissed because I had a childhood – had a past with my childhood of being abused. The attorney looked at me and said either you’re really unlucky or and he left it at that.

Chris Williams:

No way.

KiloMarie Granda:

It wasn’t until several months later that I realized the local police department, not all of the police department, but the investigator working on my case had lost my urine which had had the alcohol testing done. They had lost it. They had also lost the results of that and they had fabricated the results. Meanwhile, it might help to explain that the day after I was raped, I went in on the request of the police department and wore a wire and went back into that man’s house and had him confess to having sex with me when I was blasted, as he put it, and he knew that I wouldn’t remember what was done. He knew that I was semi-unconscious or unconscious and I have admission of all of that. In the state of Minnesota, if you are too drunk to pass a driving test, a sobriety test, then you are too drunk to give consent and I was obviously too intoxicated to give consent much less if there had been drugs in my system which we don’t know because again, the urine had gotten lost.

So, it’s been a very difficult thing to try to get past the fact that I was re-victimized by the court system and there’s really not much I can do about it other than try and fight back for other victim survivors. The person who assaulted me is a high school principal.

Chris Williams:

Still?

KiloMarie Granda:

Yes. He was removed from his position, he was brought back for the last year and now he’s been fired. I really hope it’s very difficult for him to find another job. I will do whatever I can to keep him from finding another job working with children, but it’s the society we live in where people can get away with things like that and can go on working with our kids, our most innocent part of the population. It’s a shame – our society that looks at it and sees that it’s not a big deal.

Chris Williams:

It’s not a lost cause yet Kilo. I know there has got to be somebody out there who can track this one down and get this one done. Not vengeance, I’m not trying to go there because that doesn’t help you, but there is justice and justice does help because there is right and wrong and somebody needs to be held accountable for their actions. Hopefully as your story gets out, the right people become aware of this and with the right amount of authority and start getting involved.

KiloMarie Granda:

I hope so.

Chris Williams:

I’m glad we get to repeat the story just for that reason alone. Question four Kilo. You are amazingly strong. I’m blown away. Super impressed.

Question 4: You’re sharing a lot of hope. You’ve already told us a lot of how you’re doing that. Any other ways that you’re sharing hope today?

You’re doing a lot in your community. Is there anything else you want to mention that you haven’t already? Just what are you doing on a daily basis to make somebody else know it’s okay, they have a reason to smile and move forward. Maybe not even about the issue of violence in the community.

KiloMarie Granda:

I listen. I listen to other people who share their stories or hear things going on in their life, their challenges. I can’t say how important it is to not underestimate the fact that just listening to someone else validates what they’re saying. So many people have mental health issues, physical challenges, issues with work, home life. It could be a number of things, but yet no one listens to them. No one gives them that time that they so desperately need. If it’s just spending a few minutes listening to someone and telling them at the end of that “I’m here for you”, I think that can share a lot of hope.

Chris Williams:

That’s really good. That really is. That may be your answer to number five too. I don’t know. Go where you want with that.

Question 5: How can we begin to grow as people of hope or how can we begin to share more hope with others?

I tell you what you just said really fits that too. Just listening to the people around us. I don’t want to answer that for you, but anything else you’d give us as a simple steps, 1,2,3 or A,B,C kind of thing?

KiloMarie Granda:

You might want to edit this part out, but I would say to tell people to start giving shit. A lot of people don’t care. With the whole bystander dynamics thing, if the person can get away without stepping in to help someone else, they’re going to. It’s just our human nature and it’s also the way the culture and society around us has raised us. It’s the way that we’ve become conformed to and we don’t really go out of our shell. We’re told it’s none of our business. Turn the other way, close the blinds, keep on going, somebody else will help them, they don’t deserve our help – those are all dynamics that come into play when it comes to actually helping others. Really, at the heart of it is because we either don’t care or we don’t want to care.

We need to start realizing that when another person is hurt or victimized, it’s us, it’s our family that’s also hurt and victimized. If we don’t say stop and no more when it’s happening to someone outside of our family, how can we expect it not to happen to someone inside of our family? In 40 years, the statistics show that there will be not one person who has not been personally affected by some type of violence in their life. In 40 years, there will not be even one person. We have to stop it now. That means we have to give a shit and actually get up and do something. Listen to the people around us and help when they need help.

Chris Williams:

Well said. Every word of it. Thank you. So, where can we find out more of what you’re doing? I think there’s a lot of people who would love to be able to follow you and your story, your activity in the community and maybe even need to start a conversation that will help them start to heal. Where do we go?

KiloMarie Granda:

I have website. We also have a Facebook site as well. We are connected on social media on most platforms. I think our most widely used are probably our Facebook site and our website itself. The website is very easy, it’s: www.unspokenvoices.net and our Facebook page is facebook.com/unspokenvoicesorganization and from there you can get links to just about everything that we have.

Chris Williams:

That’s fantastic. Give me a Twitter as well just because that’s a popular one and if somebody’s up for a run and that’s all they hear, what’s the Twitter handle?

KiloMarie Granda:

It’s @UnspokenOrg.

Chris Williams:

Okay, @UnspokenOrg. All of those are great. So, we’re going to have those links and many more, any that we can find on the show notes page of the interview page at isharehope.com underneath your name, Kilo. There’s just a lot of resource here. You need to see what Kilo is doing and how she is not just telling her own story, but getting so many other stories involved and I tell you what, starting to tell your own story, whatever has gone on in life, if it’s the trauma of losing a job or if it’s physical or if it’s a chemical addiction or if it’s a bad break up, whatever it is, starting to talk about that is a huge, huge step to starting to heal. This would be a great example of what it’s like to start talking about this and the power that happens in a community when somebody like Kilo just says I’ll raise my hand and do something. Amazing.

KiloMarie Granda:

Yes. It’s just finding that within ourselves, realizing and becoming empowered about it and then realizing that we have options and ways of doing so that maybe aren’t as out of the comfort zone for us, things like that. There’s ways that everybody even from a child, from 3 to 103, there’s ways that people can get involved. I commend those who are doing so and I would tell them if I had the opportunity that they’re my hero for just stepping in and doing something.

Chris Williams:

I totally agree. Lots of heroes out there. I’m so glad there’s so many popping up. Kilo, amazing energy and hope and story.  You have an amazing story, but you are an amazing person, you have an amazing heart and you have such a warrior spirit that it’s so fun to see you attacking, not cowering. I know there’s days you feel like cowering, but you’re not backing up. You are a force to be reckoned with and I’m super glad you’re doing what you’re doing. Thank you for sharing so much hope with me and all the people listening. We’re close to 40 countries. There’s people that are in those countries listening and reading. We make full transcripts of this and so your words get translated, they pop up all over the world, I have no idea who translates these things, I guess Google does it, but there’s people that are experiencing the trauma that you’ve experienced in some of those war-torn countries where they’re really using that as a tool of war. Your words are just powerful. Share that hope. Keep it going. Thank you for your time and your hope.

KiloMarie Granda:

Thank you. I appreciate the opportunity, but even more than that I appreciate you and what you’re doing. Thank you for being willing to help people share their own story. You’re helping me share mine and that’s an amazing gift to me. Thank you so much for your strength and your courage and your tenacity in doing so. Thank you. I am so grateful that I’ve gotten to meet you and talk to you and I really look forward to supporting your work in whatever way possible. You’re a hero. Thank you.

Chris Williams:

You are supporting it by sharing. Thank you. Enjoy your evening. Good luck with your 30 interns, I know you got a lot to do for the weekend coming up, but go get them and keep it up. Thanks. Talk to you later Kilo. Bye.

KiloMarie Granda:

Thank you so much. Bye.

You’ve just listened to I Share Hope. If you’re ready to make a change, head to our website at isharehope.com and claim your free copy of the Top Ten Actions of Hope from World Leaders to use hope in your own life. Thanks for listening and we’ll talk to you next time.

Chris Williams:

How many people are engaging with Unspoken Voices? I’ve seen some of this stuff online and it’s honestly pretty impressive. The people that are starting to speak, maybe not with their literal voice, but they’re speaking. How’s that going?

KiloMarie Granda:

It’s amazing. It’s going really well. I’m seeing the effects of what we’re doing and it’s actually starting to become so much that the ball is rolling so fast. I actually am stressed about how fast it’s moving, but that’s okay, that’s good. We have so many people who have partnered with us and so many different avenues that we’re going to be able to get this message out. We’re not only working on violence or violence prevention, we’re also working on stigmatization. We’re working on awareness and equality. We’re working on mental health issues. All sorts of different topics, but they all roll into one big thing. Again, it’s sharing those voices from individuals who have something that the want to share or need to share.

I am very, very privileged to have been honored by RAINN, the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network, the largest in our country for the survivor spotlight for June and that was an amazing opportunity to be able to again, share what we’re trying to get across. Again, it’s a message of hope, it’s a message of its going to be okay. It’s an amazing and blessed time to be able to do it.

Chris Williams:

I love it. If you’re going to listen to some music, I love asking the music question. Favorite band, favorite track, if you’re going to get pumped up and just kind of get your brain back in gear, what are you going to have run I the earbuds?

KiloMarie Granda:

I would say…that’s hard I have quite a few. It just depends on what I’m getting pumped up for. I think some of the songs that have really affected me would be a couple that my daughter introduced me to actually last year when I was going through the very difficult time. My daughter brought these songs to me and said “Mom you should listen”. By The Grace of God is one and Who Am I Living For and they’re both by Katy Perry. Both songs can touch on the issue of violence, but also touch on the fact that we are called to do more with our lives and we are called to help others with our lives. I think those two songs are definitely key to how I feel and what I do and getting pumped up for what I do.

Chris Williams:

I love it. I love it that your daughter brought that to your attention. We got a couple of young teenagers in my house and their hope and optimism and aggression towards the world is so awesome. They’re just so ready to fly. I think it’s great.

KiloMarie Granda:

It’s so amazing to see. It invigorates me and encourages me to know that our youth out there are becoming more civic-minded, they’re becoming more willing to step out and I’m hoping that that will be what stops this violence continuing in our next generation.

Chris Williams:

Awesome. You’re doing all of these speaking, you’re going to all of these programs, you’re everywhere. I can’t imagine how busy you must be. So, if you could interview anybody about the subject of hope like we’re talking about here or the subject that you’re facing every day, Unspoken Voice, if you could just pick the person, man, I wish I could get that person on the phone and really talk to them, who would it be?

KiloMarie Granda:

Alive or dead?

Chris Williams:

Let’s go with both. If you’ve got one of each, I’ll try to call somebody up.

KiloMarie Granda:

I would say Christ actually or God because he was the one never to throw stones, never the one to cast judgment, instead he was the one to eat with the people who nobody else wanted to eat with. He was the one who was willing to listen to the people that nobody else wanted to listen to. I would say Christ above all.

Chris Williams:

Good answer.

KiloMarie Granda:

Thank you. Alive, which Christ is, but I know what you mean. I’m going to look at my partner here because I’m getting she has the answer.

Chris Williams:

Is she going to join the screen or is she hanging out and being all shy?

KiloMarie Granda:

She’s being all shy. She’s sitting over here listening. I would say probably Mariska Hargitay who founded the Joyful Heart Foundation and No More just because the strength that she has shown in doing so and the millions of people that she has affected. I would love to know the reasons behind it. If not her, then I would say Angelina Jolie, who has also done a great deal of work when it comes to war efforts and rape as a tool in a war and trying to end that. I think they’re both very strong women and they have a great purpose and a great passion that it would be wonderful to learn more about and just take a little bit of their purpose, their passion and encouragement.

Chris Williams:

Wonderful.