I Share Hope

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Stories about hope and ways to share hope

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Dr. Princess Olufemi – Kayode

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“I have gone through different stages of my life from the very basics to seeing different forms of abuses from different forms of people apart from family members who have taken advantage of my childhood. I got to be a teenager, I faced abused. I got to be a woman, I faced abuse and from people who are very close and so hope was something I didn’t have anymore. Christ helped me with that. I’m Dr. Princess Olufemi – Kayode, a survivor, and I Share Hope. ” – Dr. Princess Olufemi – Kayode

Dr. Princess Olufemi- Kayode the founder and Executive Director of Media Concern Initiative speaks on the effects of child sexual on the female child, the family and society and how to protect children along with recovery steps to help a child or an adult overcome the experience.

Dr. Princess Olufemi-Kayode is an Ashoka Fellow, Criminal Justice Psychologist, Sexuality Minister, Victim Advocate, Forensic Interviewer, Survivor, Sex /Marriage Counselor, Social entrepreneur, Woman & Child Rights Activist, IVLP Alumni, Wife, Mother & Grandmother. In addition, she started her career in journalism, a national columnist and international speaker. She is a lover of children and contributing to restoring the experience of childhood that is so fast becoming extinct.



51 Dr. Princess Olufemi – Kayode – Abused but not Hopeless – #isharehope

“I have gone through different stages of my life from the very basics to seeing different forms of abuses from different forms of people apart from family members who have taken advantage of my childhood. I got to be a teenager, I faced abused. I got to be a woman, I faced abuse and from people who are very close and so hope was something I didn’t have anymore. Christ helped me with that. I’m Dr. Princess Olufemi – Kayode, a survivor, and I Share Hope. ” – Dr. Princess Olufemi – Kayode

Intro:

Welcome to I Share Hope! The podcast where world leaders share their real stories of hope and how you can use actionable hope to start changing your life today and now here’s your host, Chris Williams.

Chris Williams:

Dr. Princess Olufemi- Kayode, you are an awesome communicator and speaker and representative for the victims of childhood sexual abuse and other, I guess, connected areas of abuse. You’ve done a lot of work in that area, so before we get started I want you to tell me and everybody listening along with me – we’re just here to learn, so tell us first where are you right now, what are you up to today? It’s the end of your day I know, but give us a little picture of your world right now.

Dr. Princess Olufemi – Kayode

Okay. I live in Nigeria. Let’s see, how do I describe myself? I live in Nigeria, I live in Lagos which is the economic capital of Nigeria. What do I do? I’m a criminal justice psychologist. I also have my background in mass communication. I spent about two decades in that field, in that profession before moving and migrating into childhood sexual abuse response which is basically looking at how, as a country, as a nation we address the issues. One of the problems I noticed as a journalist then was it was not a topic for discussion. Nobody was talking about this and it was happening huge.

I have also been a survivor. When I sit with a lot of people, I find one or two in every gathering that will say “Oh, it happened to me. I didn’t tell anybody about it. My friends really don’t know this about me.” I began to look at my life at that time. A deep reflection into the kind of things I would express when asked the question. Yes, I was a single mother with three children, I had lots of things not working around me so well. I began to study. I found myself studying very hard on the issue of consequences and the survivors of… With such, I could lay my hands on the internet and just be – what is this all about? That helped open my eye to see that across the world regardless of color, regardless of race, regardless of language we are humans. The same things happen to us all across and at the end of the day majority of the research that had been done in the past, of course, majority were done in white communities and more civilized environments.

You will find that basically it’s still the same thing and so I thought we’re all humans and the way I address the issue is basically easy. The consequence on all of us, it affects all of us – yes we are individuals and everybody stands out, what is the common ground? Abuse happens to everybody. It could happen to anybody. There is nothing that makes anybody too special to say, oh, it can’t happen to this community. I began to look at my country, I began to look at young people. I wasn’t thinking about the older ones like ourselves who have gone through pain and it’s like, how do we make sure that this does not happen as best as we can try?

From what I know about abuse as a victim and a survivor, an adult survivor and from what I have seen in my work in the past 10 years, I’ve dedicated my life to this – I can see that those are the cases that you can’t advance which means that no matter what you do, you’ve got prevention messages, you train, you educate, you still find that certain people will still get molested. The issue is to make sure that we put that information in the face and that tells them that if it happens, we can stop it on time. We don’t let them go through more difficulties in their lives. That, for me, is what makes me wake up every day.

Chris Williams:

You’re right. You’re absolutely right. I’m also a survivor of child sexual abuse and it’s definitely not anything I choose to take on myself if I didn’t have to. If it was my choice I would have never ended up in that spot, but now that I’m here and survived it and learning to thrive again in life, that’s what drives me. It’s making sure I get a chance to get a message out that gives hope and opportunity and protection – protection for people who have not been hurt and opportunity and hope for people who already have. So wow, I love the work.

You’re really interesting on this one because you deal with hope on a daily basis, this is what you do and from a criminal justice background. I mean you got both sides of the equation here. You’re both the person who has been victimized by the crime and you’re also the person who is prosecuting the crime. It’s a fascinating view. So, number one, the first question we have of these five questions that we’re asking 1000 people around the globe:

Question 1: From Nigeria, a female adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse, what is your definition of hope or your favorite quote about hope?

Dr. Princess Olufemi – Kayode

Hope, woah…Therefore, there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus because as a survivor or a victim of childhood sexual abuse, you live with a life of guilt. You take responsibility for all the people’s actions across your life. I have gone through different stages of my life from the very basics to seeing different forms of abuses from different forms of people apart from family members who have taken advantage of my…I don’t want to use the word ‘innocence’, my childhood. I got to be a teenager, I faced abused. I got to be a woman, I faced abuse and from people who are very close and so hope was something I didn’t have anymore. Christ helped me with that.

All I can think of is, you know… I have lived a life of self-condemnation for so long, so long. I’m 51 now and majority of my childhood, teenage years and adulthood were times where I attempted suicide, there was nothing to live for, there was no hope – but I found it and I found it in God. That’s the thing that keeps resounding to me. There is no condemnation for me. Regardless of having gone through that kind of life, regardless of the depths of the wounds that I have faced and I had to live with, because of that I also help people. I help people as well, but I can forgive myself, I’m not condemned for that and I have something to live for. So every day I just want to bring a smile, I want to give somebody hope which means look forward. There’s still more to live for. It’s not the end of the road. It’s something to live for, it’s something you’re gifted for, and it’s something you have to offer regardless of what has happened to you as a person. It may not be only abuse. Different things happen to us that traumatize us in our lives. For that, there is a reason to still live and that makes my heart beat. It makes my heart beat every day.

Chris Williams:

I love that definition. There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. You’re right. When you’ve been through something very shaming – and sexual abuse does that. No matter what age you’re at, if it’s an adult rape or if it’s a child who doesn’t know anything, it leaves you with an enormous amount of shame even though it’s not your fault. It still makes you feel guilty. That’s good.

Question 2: Who has shared the most hope with you? Who has been the best giver of hope to you?

Dr. Princess Olufemi – Kayode

There is no one person, but in my lifetime, there are a series of people at different stages of my life. Well, I’ll say God gives me the most hope. There is so much despair in the world apart from what we face as humans, as individuals and when I want to give up because I wanted to walk. There are times like there is just no way ahead and it’s only God that does that. He’s been able to place different people in our lives at different times who have been agents of hope. I have a whole lot of them. I have Pastor Kayode Ijisesan, I have Pastor Kevin Saint -Bernard Okeoghene. I have friends, Marie Omosun, Busola Babalola, Funmi Nuomoja, Aunty Deke, Mummy Saidi, Mummy Wale, Kayode Williams, late Omololu Falobi, Pastor Paul Idowu, and much more. Including my sister – Jada Onikosi. I have my husband – that one should be number one after God. That’s Olufemi Kayode and my children. I have a calling as a mother of nation, so I have children everywhere in the world. I get to meet these people I mentor – they come across and some of them are abused, some of them have not, but they give me hope.

As you see people struggle through their own abuse, struggle through their trauma and coming out at the end of the road shining – that gives me so much. They are also agents of hope for me, but God stands as the ultimate and there are so many I have not called so I hope they won’t get angry when they come across this because there is so many in my life. My sister, you know, I have all the people that God used to be a blessing that brought light at the end of the tunnel for me at different times of despair.

Chris Williams:

You know, you are so thankful about naming all those people and I know there are so many more you haven’t named, but you are engaging that truth that there are so many people who have given you hope and when you’ve been through something really traumatic – if it’s sexual abuse or any other trauma, there’s lots of them out there, the world’s a tough place sometimes. But, if you have been through trauma then you begin to focus on the trauma and not on the blessings and the hope and the relationships and the many other things that you have going for you. You’ve named a lot of relationships and I love how relational your hope is. Beautiful. Okay, question three, you ready?

Question 3: Take us back to a time in your life and paint a picture. What was going on around you and what happened that took you to a place that was really hard and made you feel like it was hopeless? A lot of people are there now or know someone who is there now. What was that like?

Dr. Princess Olufemi – Kayode

I remember a time when I lost my job. I have three children to take care of. I’m a single mom. I was at the end of the road, there was just nowhere to go. Nowhere. I also never really thought I could ever get married, you know? I have three kids, I was a young woman so who’s going to marry…I mean with my culture, where I come from, that’s not easy to find – a young man who would want to marry a young woman with three children. So, I had to be the father and the mother. For about a year, my kids didn’t go to school. They had to stop school. The feeling was tough. It was horrible. God is so faithful. There was a young man and he sent him to my life at that time. He made me learn to fight.

I was in despair, I was going deep down into this tunnel, I’ve lost all hope, nothing worked. If I could give my kids out then, it would have been very easy. If I did come from that community where you can give children for adoption, I probably would have at that time, but in my culture it’s just something that’s coming up now. Adoption is something that is just very infused in today’s society and acceptance is gradually being taken. At that time I was talking about, you just couldn’t. Nobody even wants them. It’s not in their character to do so. It’s not. They just don’t want to take them from you. I was just there watching them and it was killing me because I was there watching my children not having enough nutrients, not having enough clothing, couldn’t go to school and so I was at my wit’s end. At that same time, I’m still trusting God for myself and the four of my children. I was in a huge dilemma.

Most times, I just cry out to God, are we fed in those too? To want something, yes, it was just God but here this young man approached me and wanted to get involved with me. I was like – I couldn’t say anything good. I didn’t want to take advantage of him because I was very vulnerable also. This young pastor, he is called Ben, I call him Brother Ben because I was also in the school of ministry. He was starting this ministry, so he was okay, you know what, come on by and let’s pray for my ministry. So, I’ll go over to his place to pray for his ministry, to pray with him for his ministry to go, but I was in despair. He sort of got me to take my eyes away from my problems. I’ve trusted God with him. Somebody is going to love you and take care of these children and things are going to get better for you and truly, he stood by me. Truly, truly, truly I did meet that man. Things did change also, but with God that young man who has a great ministry today stood by me. He was God-sent. Like I said, my own agent of hope. He was there to encourage me.

When you are down and there’s just nobody around you and you don’t see anything good because it’s taken a long time for you to get really deep into the mess you’re in. You’re just wondering, there’s just no hope on how can I get out of that situation and then God will send somebody to you and just assist there. I play that role today. I try my best to do that for people. I try my best to be there because I had been there and so I know what it’s like because you’re just in your tunnel and you can’t see the end of that tunnel. It doesn’t seem like the tunnel is going to end. It seems like, oh my God there is nobody that is going to help you. You wonder how it would happen even when there are preachers, even when they are telling you “God is…” they just want you to – yes I know God is real, but when is something going to happen for me? So, he was that young man that God gave in my life at that time.

He made me fight. He told me “You’re going to fight. You’re going to fight this.” All my life until that time, I never fought for anything. I always gave up. He stood by me at that time, who bless him and he was an instrument of hope for me.

Chris Williams:

Go back to this fighting. You’ve mentioned it a couple of times. What do you mean when you say you never fought before and then you realized somehow you had to fight? What do you mean by that?

Dr. Princess Olufemi – Kayode

It means that I always gave up. Things are happening in my life and I’m like, ah, let me go. I don’t bother to say no, that shouldn’t happen. Why must that happen? I don’t know how to take that. That’s the truth spoken with my three kids. I lost the men, you know, I just don’t want to fight for it saying like, “okay go, it’s your problem. It’s your loss. Leave.” But this time, he made me know that no, this situation is not right and you need to say no. I’m going to walk through it. I’m going to fix it which I never did all my life even with three children. I always gave up. When anything comes or is thrown at me, I just take it. I don’t know how to say no. That is not good for me. Why must I take that? I’m just quiet, I just accept. I think it’s one of the issues of, one of the consequences of such an abuse. You just take it. I mean it’s like I’m not that beaten, let me go. Let him go. Let me be.

I got to a point where things got so dark because I let everything be. I had to just be thinking now I’m in this situation and I have these children and I’m going to make sure that they have a good life. I’m going to make sure they fight. I had to come up to that position and it took going on depression to get me to see that point. I never saw it. I would think if he didn’t enter my life over that time, I think I’d still be in the mess. I’ll probably still be in the mess.

Chris Williams:

We’re you scared in the fighting process that you would get some of your perpetrators mad where there would be more abuse? I mean you’re going to make some serious enemies.

Dr. Princess Olufemi – Kayode

Well, I did. I did make a lot of enemies. I did make a lot of enemies since I had been fighting because I had to open up about my abuse, I had to be willing to say who and who did something to me within the family. That of course didn’t go too well. Though my parents were aware of one of my abuse, you know, the family person then, but they had to come up to say they never knew that it had any consequences. They thought I was a little kid and will just learn to pass, but they didn’t know that it affected me that much in my life and I was going through the phase of you go to school not because you want to study…You’re just going through life like the wind is carrying you – wherever the wind blows you just go. I was in a lot of bad relationships. I could remember one, there was no time I would accept a decent man for a relationship. I would rather the one who batter me, who would hurt me and that’s where I felt more comfortable.

I remember Brother Ben then saying, I’ll never forget, “Why do you like the dregs of society?” The next one he said, “Oh God, what is it with you and dregs of society?” I had to go check the meaning of “dregs of society”. I studied and I’m like, what? That derogative? No, no, no, no…. I’m not, I’m not, I’m not, no. I said no way. I can have a decent person in my life. I will have to put myself at the disposal of any scrupulous elements in the society. Why do I have to look at this one who will hurt me? I may have the day I’m more hurt, I’m more bruised, I’m deep knee in the wounds, I’m not healing. I was afraid many times. I wake up and I’m like, am I sure I can really do this? But, I’m thankful that there was someone that was there to be a helping hand at that time.

Chris Williams:

That’s a good point there. It really does take that helping hand to walk through those. It’s really hard to do alone not because of the danger you’re facing with someone else often and sometimes it’s that, but even if there’s no danger, it just feels too big to do it alone. For some reason it’s so hard and confusing. When you’re looking back you’re like, well obviously I should’ve ran away or told them to just get out or call the police or the authorities, but when you’re in the middle of it it’s not that simple.

Question 4: How are you sharing hope today? What are you doing today? What are you doing with your life that shares a lot of hope with others?

Dr. Princess Olufemi – Kayode

I started a survival awareness across Africa. I try to get that to international conferences, the truth in Africa on child sexual abuse. I held a session on survivors and what survivors could do to help prevention and response within Africa and the African region. I offer that daily. We have these 24-hour hot lines. I do counselling, I do counselling in WhatsApp, I’m talking with survivors, women who are abused across the nation, I’m talking to young people. My daily life is that. My daily life is counselling and I’m doing forensic interviewing for children. I’m also a trained one, I was trained in the US at CornerHouse.

We have a facility and so I do forensic interviewing for children who have been molested or some other crimes to help with investigation. I do trauma counselling and I also do Christian counselling. I’m also a minister, so now I’m also a pastor. I’m also in a ministry. That’s two parts of the drill – the general public and also to Christians. I do teachings, I mentor young people and I also mentor – I’m mentoring over 30 organizations right now, well into prevention, legal aspects of responding to childhood sexual abuse. Amongst them are like 15 survivors who I’m working with, who have been able to come up openly and speak about what happened to them.

I’m doing that and I’m writing. I’m trying to produce some books for children. It will help the – we’re going to start with children, so I’m trying to write some books on that. I do Facebook every day, I do Twitter. I have a page, I also have a professional page on Facebook and we have NGOs pages on Facebook. What do I do? It’s basically my life. It’s all about that.

Chris Williams:

You didn’t list eating or sleeping in all of that, where do you do that?

Dr. Princess Olufemi – Kayode

You know, I just began to do a bit of that – seriously. As I grew old, I became 50 last year, April, I had to tell myself I had to slow down a bit because I live my work. As I’m coming in, the first thing is my laptop and I have dinner, you know, rush. I have grown up children. My first is 32 and my youngest is 15. I have three children before I got married and my husband also had three and so we had two together, so all together we have eight children.

Chris Williams:

Oh my goodness. All of that and eight children. Incredible.

Dr. Princess Olufemi – Kayode

It’s a loud house.

Chris Williams:

Yes. So, Princess and I are on a video chat right now, so you can’t see her, but she’s beautiful and does not look anywhere near 50. I’m impressed. I’d be worn out.

Dr. Princess Olufemi – Kayode

I have my hands full. I mean the church work is still there. I’m a deaconess at the church, I work at the children’s church. My hands are full, but I can’t dream of doing anything else. You give hope every day to people. Someone just calls me, I’m just having a flashback, you know, I have to take them through that to get them back on to the hope line and to the healing. You have to guide them, lead them. Those who don’t want to talk want to do WhatsApp and then sometimes we’ll make a call or just texting, some calls, texting. At one point, you’re talking to someone, sharing to someone and well, this is nothing to me.

Of course, we also do psycho social, so we relocate non-offending mothers and their children because here when a mother opens up about the discoveries by the child’s exposure about the husband, her husband, the father of the child, that he is molesting the child, really, society is not helpful to them so her family could be moved. So when that happens here, we wanted to have social infrastructure, we want to have that so we have to raise money to rent a new home also cost money to rent a new one, so we relocate and resettle just like you do in your protection program with the FBI and what’s all these things. Here, we help do that. We want so much opportunity basically then be able to start in life. I enjoy that – seeing this woman, the children start all over and then do well and then you see these children growing. You’re doing counselling, you’re walking through with them to have a life and they are moving along, they are happy. That puts a smile….

When you get a call from them, normally they just call in to just say they are fine. I’m like, thank you Lord. I’m like, oh, yes Lord, thanks for this woman and you see, different families go through – and you’re there for them, you got a culture with them, you support them. Some don’t even have transport, some don’t even have food and we have to gather together with the staff to make sure they have food to eat. When the case is gone, you go so much beyond just addressing childhood sexual abuse. You have to look at them and everything around them – in other words, to find how to prevent for that abuse for the children because we know that it’s something that continues inevitably. We want to make sure we hold or reduce to the very minimal their access to be molested again in their lives. I’ll educate the parents and take everybody to it, so families. These plans I made, you’re walking through them to understand the gravity of what you are saying because sometimes, okay, she’s fine and we are fine, but the daughter is not, so it’s education for everybody.

Meanwhile, I’m also working with the criminal justice sector, making them understand what they need to do in having to address. Its hands-up all I’m going for.

Chris Williams:

Yes they are. I’m impressed with all that. That’s a lot of organization to keep up with. So, if there’s somebody like me that’s listening and I’m sure all the people who are listening along with me, most of them are way more talented than I am but I’m just a regular guy. I don’t have the capacity that you have for all of this.

Question 5: How does a guy like me or a girl who is trying to figure out how to have hope and how to share hope, where do we start? What’s the first, second or third thing? What are the baby steps we should start doing to gain hope or to start sharing hope?

If you’d like to, particularly, towards somebody who’s been abused sexually, what do you do next? Never told anybody, what do I do?

Dr. Princess Olufemi – Kayode

That’s so interesting because I get a lot of that. They’re just opening up for the first time that most people don’t talk about it. When they finally open up to someone, the way the person responds actually will determine which way they are going – if they are going to be healed, they are going to recovery or they’re going to go deeper into the pit.

I would say there’s lots of help around. There’s lots of help around. You could start at looking at communities depending on the religion, depending on the friends you have. There is always someone you can trust like if I open up to this person, he is not going to insult or make a mockery of me or make me feel more guilty. There is always that person and if for any reason you open up, the first person you open up to makes you feel guilty, don’t give up. I would say don’t give up. There is somebody who has the right words to help you move on. It is possible to get to light. It is possible to go to recovery. It’s a journey. I always say I’m still a work in progress. I’m not completely, you know, but I’m a work in progress and I like where I am. I tell people if I could go through that, anybody can go through that. You can move on and begin to get over whatever happened to you when I was a child or when I was a teenager or as a woman or as a man because it happens to both sexes.

Trauma, like we said, may not be sexual abuse also. It could be anything. Whatever it is, there is life ahead and there are still people that you will also be a blessing to. They need you also. Even in your despair, even in your pain, you are still a blessing. I think the lesson is to realize that I am a blessing. No matter how I feel right now, there is somebody – when I share my story, that person…I always try to tell people that you think yours is the worst, you have not heard somebody else’s story.

When you hear somebody else’s trauma, you can say, “I thought I had a problem. I don’t really have a problem.” I saw somebody say, no, I was gang raped by 10 men and you know another one that was gang raped by 50 men. It doesn’t mean that it is a good thing, but it’s for you to know that there are people who are going through worse situations than you are. That makes you know that okay, fine, I’m going through this but there are people who are healing, there are people who are moving forward and I try to give example of people who are going ahead with their lives. There are those who did not, but I don’t take examples from the bad. I take examples from good. There are people who are moving on with their lives, who are doing well with their lives. Joyce Meyer is one. I am one. There are quite a lot and I’m happy to know that I am also a reference point in my country, in Africa to moving on. I can see Dr. Princess, she’s doing so well and so you can get us all – of course and I was like, do you know what happened to me?

I’ll give a quick, short story. There was a young lady who went to us about last year. She was already in her 7th month in pregnancy which she got out of rape, so she doesn’t even know who the father was. Three men raped her and she didn’t know, by the time she got to know she couldn’t tell how long. She was trying on her own to abort, but it didn’t work. When it got to six months, it really showed so they had to approach her and brought her and they called me in. I told her to come and I met with her. She was already close to delivery but we had to make sure she had a good, you know… She had not had any health – she had not gone to see a doctor for prenatal. Nothing. We had to see that, we had to put her through that and for her safety. After the baby – in our country, you can’t tell people that you are raped when you have a baby. The baby has a right to a name. The baby has the right to be named, has the right to a father, has to right all that, so I had to stand in as a grandmother like I am the mother of the father and we did the naming of the baby. We stood with her and finally on one occasion when she came for counseling, she just walked down and was crying like – I mean there’s no life for her. She’s just a young girl. Of course you do. The first child you have in your life is a child born from rape. Will she be able to get married? Will she be able to do so? I sat her down and told her just a little part of my story. Not everything. She was like this then afterwards she opened her mouth. “Nobody even know you’ve gone through those.” I said exactly. The same way you will be tomorrow. Somebody will tell you, no, you had a tough life? You don’t look like that. I said because when I look so difficult it looks like we get out of this, how you cope with the baby, of course the option was there because we have some homes here that can actually take the baby from her if she doesn’t want to give the child for adoption. They can help keep the baby while she takes care of herself. There are a few homes that do that. I gave her all the options and she was like, no, her mother said no. “I’m alive. I can take care of the baby”.

Just sharing my story sometimes just helps. You just see them say “No, I can make it”. I can have a life. I can also have a husband. You can be – somebody married me. I mean I was in so much and so God is going to make sure you have your own husband, you’re going to have your own husband if that’s what you want. You’re going to have a partner in your life if you really want that. We just need to know as individuals what are we trying to gain hold of and that there is more than what we have seen. There’s still a life beyond abuse, a life beyond whatever trauma we are facing. If we want to give it every day, just try to see how you can put a smile on somebody’s face every day. Sometimes it’s not really about money. It’s about a word, it’s about a smile, it’s about encouragement, its about inspiring. You don’t go to people who will demean. You won’t be able to be among people also who will demean you. We will lift people up even when they don’t see good in themselves, we can make them see that there is some good in you.

Chris Williams:

Good advice. Wow, great story too. So, there is two or three things. Let me just see if I can pull them back out. So, if you haven’t told anybody about your trauma and you do need to by the way, even if it’s past and the person who caused the trauma is dead. It’s not about getting even or revenge. It’s about you and being honest with where you are, where you’re starting now and where you’re going in the future. So, be honest with somebody, find a safe friend or family member you can talk to and give them a small amount of information. See how they handle it and then give them more over time and see how they respond. If they’re a trustworthy person, you’ll know that quickly. They will support you.

Okay, so that’s number one. Find somebody to tell and start the process there. Then, I think the second thing you mentioned was kind of two-fold there. Being part of a community, both in hearing other stories because it helps you realize I’m not alone or my story is not as bad as maybe I thought, don’t minimize your story, but just know that you are not alone is a big part of it. Then as you begin to heal, you can start telling your story even more. Give it enough time to heal, but you’re going to find so much power and so much freedom and joy in sharing your story with somebody else because you’ll see that what you’ve been left with is actually something that can be very powerful and very good.

Princess, you are living this every day. I’m amazed at what you’re doing and your bravery. It’s a lot of courage that you have to keep stepping out and keep growing not just through education and your professional clout, but your experience in helping people real-life, face to face every day.

So, I know you mentioned Facebook and other social media venues, websites, all that. Where can we find you? Just list them off and we’ll put them on the show notes for the webpage at isharehope.com. Just lookup isharehope.com/Princess and you will find this interview and the links. So where can we find you? Put them on there.

Dr. Princess Olufemi – Kayode

Okay. I’m on Twitter @cessokay – that’s Princess’ Twitter handle. For MediaCon, we have @CSAPrevention. On Facebook, we are www.facebook.com/MediaCon and then for me it is Dr. Princess Olufemi – Kayode. It’s a page, it’s an official page. I have my private, but I’m trying to restrict from my official page. What else, let’s see… Websites, we’re still trying to review that, but its www.mediaconcern.net. I’m not on Instagram yet.

Chris Williams:

I don’t know how you have time. You will have time.

Dr. Princess Olufemi – Kayode

I was running a blog, but I think it will be out. I’ll type that in later. I’ll text that in. I think that’s basically it.

Chris Williams:

That’s plenty. I don’t want to take any more of time. You’ll have to write more. If you start writing a blog or having another social media account, you wouldn’t have time to help more people and you’re already full as it is. Well, Dr. Princess you are super cool. I love talking to you. You are so fun. What a great, great energy and great smile. Okay. I will share this story of hope for sure and I will let you know when it’s coming out. I can’t wait to do that, so thank you for your time.

Dr. Princess Olufemi – Kayode

Thank you so much. I appreciate what you do as well.

Chris Williams:

Have a great night.

Dr. Princess Olufemi – Kayode

Yes. Bye.

Chris Williams:

Okay. Bye.

You’ve just listened to I Share Hope. If you’re ready to make a change, head to our website at isharehope.com and claim your free copy of the Top Ten Actions of Hope from World Leaders to use hope in your own life. Thanks for listening and we’ll talk to you next time.

Chris Williams:

Well Dr. Princess, I have to know, how did you get the name Princess? Every little girl wants to be named Princess and you just got it. How in the world?

Dr. Princess Olufemi – Kayode

It’s interesting. Like I said, I had a lot of visions in my life and I look back and I thought I’m going to change my name. I’m going to do that for myself. I knew that my father was unhappy with me for a while. I was a radical adult and I looked, what name do I really want? I looked at Sarah, but I liked the English interpretation, the literary illustration for Sarah, it means ‘little princess’.

Chris Williams:

The name Sarah from the bible?

Dr. Princess Olufemi – Kayode

Yes.

Chris Williams:

It literally means little princess?

Dr. Princess Olufemi – Kayode

Yes.

Chris Williams:

I did not know that.

Dr. Princess Olufemi – Kayode

When God changed her name and then of course the more they called her, the more she transformed and had been able to have a child at that age. But, she became a mom, attractive and younger and so I believe the name is also part of where I’m still looking young. I get a lot of courtesy, they do the royal highness for me wherever I go. The first thing they say is “You’re royal highness” and I’m always like, no. I’m just Princess. I’m not your royal highness.

Chris Williams:

That is great. Then the Doctor in front of Princess, you have a doctorate in what?

Dr. Princess Olufemi – Kayode

Yes. Actually I have an honorary doctorate in Public Health.

Chris Williams:

Wow an honorary doctorate. Now, for you who don’t understand the honorary doctorate process, it’s extremely difficult and rare because – not to minimize the traditional school track of the doctorate, but you have to be so involved in so sacrificial in your time and your energy in your life to have people recommend you for an honorary doctorate. That is an enormous honor.
If you’re going to listen to some music in your car or in your headphones when you’re walking down the street, wherever you’re at, that just cheers you up and makes you feel better, what are you going to listen to? Who is your favorite artist?

Dr. Princess Olufemi – Kayode

Whoa, old school. I am going to listen to Diana Ross.

Chris Williams:

Did you say Diana Ross?

Dr. Princess Olufemi – Kayode

Yes. The old ballads, Peabo Bryson, Roberta Flack, those are my old school, you know?

Chris Williams:

I love it.

Dr. Princess Olufemi – Kayode

Gladys Knight and the Pips, you know, those are the things that I love to listen to. Old school.

Chris Williams:

That is so great. What fun.

About Chris

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